Why You Are Not Losing The Weight You Want
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I’m in the running right now for world’s most inconsistent blogger. Actually building an ongoing “conversation” here is something I’d really like to do, but unfortunately it’s one of the things that goes by the wayside while I’m attending to the other things in my life: work projects, working with clients, family, public speaking, etc.
I’m looking forward to a time when this is more at the core of what I do, but in spite of my best intentions, that hasn’t happened yet. In other words: it simply isn’t my priority yet. I would like it to be. I spend a lot of time thinking how building and maintaining an active blog/online presence is something I’d really like to do. I’ve got loads of ideas about the things I’d compose – long posts, short posts, videos, audios and all that.
But look at my actions. Until a few days ago, I hadn’t posted for 2 weeks, and then 6 weeks before than with many long periods of quiet before that. Actually a bit lame and frustrating to me. I was thinking about this this morning, and then it struck me!
This is just like weight loss. Actually, the idea has been rolling around my head for the past week, but as I sat down to write this, the connection between the two became very obvious. (I actually wrote out an abridged version of this a couple weeks ago when I started writing about it: you can check that out HERE if you like).
So many people want to lose weight. They want to shed pounds, feel better, look better, get fit and so forth. They read tons of books about it, go to support meetings, buy products, consult with doctors, try new diets, try new exercise program.
And yet, they don’t lose weight. It’s so common for them to be stuck in this weight loss cycle for years on end. It’s like going down on an escalator in a department store, just to turn around and go right back up again. Why so much madness and frustration?
I used to do a lot of work (still do some) with teenagers, their families and their schools. It’s where I began my career as a social worker, then substance abuse counselor, then therapist, then public speaker, then (and now) coach. One of the biggest topics on adults minds in that field is how to reduce kids drug use. We start “educating” them at a very early age – sometimes as young as 9 – about why they should “just say no”. And yet, if you talk to high schoolers today, they will share with you that by the time they reach senior year of high school, at least 90% of them are drinking alcohol on at least a semi-regular basis, and about 50% of them are smoking marijuana. These are not exact scientific numbers, they are higher than sanctioned academic studies and the “official numbers” but if you really get down in the trenches with teens and talk to them about what’s happening in their schools, you’ll find that my numbers are pretty consistent.
My point is that there is something fundamentally wrong in equation we are using to reduce kid’s substance use. My point here is not to proselytize about the better way to do this (I do have a lot of ideas on this, but this is not the intention of this post or site for that matter), but to simply point out that the way we’re going about addressing the problem is fundamentally wrong.
And I think the same is wrong with weight loss. Something is just not working in this equation that we’re being sold from all directions about how to lose the weight we want. We’re promised over and over again that this diet or this exercise sequence will “deliver us from evil”.
I think a big piece of this comes down to priorities. We can talk all we want about how we really want to lose weight, are thinking about this new Mediterranean diet or that new P90-X exercise regimen.
But at the end of the day, you’re not losing the weight because it’s not really your priority to do so. It’s sort of like window shopping, or just buying stuff for the entertainment of shopping but then returning it later. You don’t really intend to have a dress you take home and wear and enjoy. You more just like the idea of the dress, and it’s like a form of ongoing entertainment thinking about all the great dresses you’d like to have.
At the end of the day, you don’t lose weight because the chocolate mousse that was served at your sister’s dinner party over the weekend was more important to you than losing weight.
Eating the great pizza, chips, dips and Margaritas your neighbors served while you were watching the World Series together was more important than to you than losing weight.
It really is that simple – which I understand is not always the same as easy.
So the next time you start to feel frustrated about the glimpse you catch of your profile in the mirror, instead of feeling frustrated how the last diet you tried didn’t work out, instead sit down and make a list of your priorities in life. What are the 10 most important things to you in your life? Is your health and weight really on that list? If so, where is it?
Really work with your priority list. Be ruthlessly honest with yourself. Look at your actions as the evidence for what truly belongs where. That no-holds-barred honesty may be the first necessary step to getting your priorities solidly in order. You may think that the Sunday football junk food is far less important than than being healthy when you’re 60 so you can chase your grandkids around the playground, but do you actions tell the same story?
Once you get that sense of where your priorities have been you are in a much better place to decide where you want them to be.
Remember Frodo from Lord of the Rings? He was scared sh$%less most of the time, but he just kept moving forward and he fulfilled his deeper purpose. So think of the deeper purpose in your life that is calling your forward. Whether it’s to be masterful in the work you do, to provide an amazing life for your children, to find your mate and have a really fulfilling relationship, or to be connected to your “higher power” in a deep meaningful way, find that deeper purpose and tie it around your neck as a reminder like Frodo did with the ring.
first high Tibetan lamas to teach in the United States in the late 60’s. He passed away in 1987. I have been reading “The Essential Chogyam Trungpa” on and off for a couple years- it’s great, though I think a basic understanding of some Buddhist fundamentals make it much more accessible.
