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Who are You Becoming?

Think about this question for a second.  It’s possibly one of the most powerful questions you’ll even consider- and as you’ll see in part 2 of the post tomorrow, it has a lot to do with your success in losing the weight you want- and keeping it off.

Really asking this question deeply, and reflecting on it causes you to consider what you really want in life because here is a fact:

You are becoming something.  You can’t help this.  It’s a fact.

The past is gone…and all we have is the unfolding of present moments.  So this is a very good place to put your attention.

The decisions you make right now directly shape:

• How you think…
• What habits you oblige…
• What food choices you make…
• How you relate to yourself, your body and others…
• How you handle stress…
• How you react to and talk to your children…

All these decisions shape who you are becoming.  These choices create the causes and conditions for what happens next.

So the question becomes:

Since you’re becoming something (the energy and thinking and behavior that is you is unfolding into something), will you become that thing by design or by default?

I know that comes off pretty wordy, but I recommend you read it again so it sinks in.

Put another way, will you become that thing by habit or by choice?

You have a choice right now, on a moment-to-moment basis about what the quality of your life is going to be.

So you want to be asking yourself: “How well am I making that choice?”

Because the quality of that choice defines who you are becoming.

In part 2 of this post, I’m going to unpack this by going into some specific examples of how this fits into our lives, and how it also affects our waistline.

How To Increase Your Positive Thinking

In Part 1 of this post, I identified that the choices you’re making on an ongoing basis are either moving you in a positive or a negative direction.  Now what do we do with that?  Where do we go from here?

This is a very important part of the equation, so please really take this to heart.  This is where the potential lies to move from just making weight loss “simple” to actually making it “easy” over time.

A close friend was recently visiting me who is getting his PhD in Philosophy.  He was telling me about a course he recently took in practical approaches to Eastern Philosophy, and he said that the whole thing could be summed up in roughly 2 sentences:

If it’s good and it’s working, follow it.
If it’s not good and it’s not working, let it go.

The point is this: you have to keep moving forward staying focused on the positives.  If it’s good and it’s working, then keep moving in that positive direction- follow it.

If you make a bad food choice that brings you down in any way, then acknowledge it and then let it go. When you let go of a bad choice, you are by definition already moving forward in a positive direction.  Ask yourself, “What is the next thing to do?  How do I move in a positive direction from here?”

Maybe you drink a couple extra glasses of water to flush your system, maybe you go for a 10-minute walk, maybe you call a friend or write in your journal.  It doesn’t matter so much what you do; what matters is that you make the choice to quickly regroup and move forward in a positive direction. Like  I’ve been saying: simple, huh?

So, the “art” here is actually two fold:

1. Getting really good at making positive decisions in the first place. Mostly this involves being mindful and aware of what you’re doing.  Are you being conscious when you make a food choice?  Are you using the tools and resources at your disposal to help you make good choices (calling a friend if you’re in a bad spot or committing to logging your food)?  The more mindful, present and aware you are in each moment, the better your choices will be- guaranteed.
2. Getting really good at getting back on a positive track if you fell off. This is actually a huge skill and cannot be overlooked.  We all make mistakes.  Don’t demand perfection from yourself, but do hold yourself accountable to keep putting yourself back on a positive track.  Like I said before, if you make a mistake, acknowledge it and use it as an opportunity to be more conscious of your choices and to get right back on track.

There’s one final little piece I want to add that I think is really helpful (and by the way, in case you haven’t figured this out by now, these ideas can help you in many ways in your life beyond just weight loss).

When you make a choice in a positive direction, really celebrate it. It know it sounds a little cheesy, but it’s important.  When you do well, you need to get psyched about it.  It reinforces your positive thinking in a powerful way.

Remember, you’re building habits here.  The more you feel good and proud of yourself for positive choices, the stronger you build the habit in that direction.  Positive thinking leads to positive habits. It’s just the way things work. If you doubt it at all, that’s fine.  But I ask that you earnestly practice what I’m talking about here for one week.  Really apply these principles into your life and see how they affect you.

In fact, regardless of how much you “buy-in” to what I’m talking about, I’d love to hear your thoughts.  If you’re doubting what I’m saying here, that’s actually great!  I invite you to go test out these ideas for the next 7 days and get back to me with your results.

What Do You Want?

A client, “Marcy”, came to see me yesterday and said, “I’m always on a diet!  I lose 10 pounds and gain back 5…then next time I lose 5 and gain back 10.  It goes on and on like this; I just can’t maintain my focus on losing weight.  What do I do?”

“Well”, I told her, “the first thing you have to figure out is what you really want.”

“I already know what I want”, she said, “I want to lose 25 pounds and go down four dress sizes!”  That is what she said, but the look on her face was impatient and had “Duhhh!” written all over it.

“Look”, I said, “on the surface I understand that this is what you want.  But you have to go deeper and figure out ‘the want behind the want’.  That is what will keep your focus on losing weight.”

“Huh?”, she now said.  She had moved from “Duhhh!” to “Huh?”, so I knew we were making progress.

“There is a reason you want to lose 25 pounds,” I said.  “You believe that if you did, your life would be dramatically better in some specific ways.  You need to get in touch with exactly how it would be better.  That is the ‘want behind the want’.”

You see, a key aspect to lasting weight loss success is knowing why you want to lose weight at the deepest level, what I call “the want behind the want”.

So what is the want behind your want- that deeper value that losing weight will add to your life? Is it:

• To feel more comfortable dating or to feel sexier in the relationship you’re in?
• To be healthy and active with your children?
• Because you’ve been diagnosed with an illness and you want your health back?
• To look better and have more self-confidence when you interview for a job?
• To look better at a high school or family reunion?
• To really love yourself and feel good about your body.

Whatever your deep desire is, I want you to get in touch with it specifically.  Write down all the answers you come up with in as much detail as possible.

“The Want Behind The Want” Is Your True Motivator

When you know ‘the want behind the want’ you understand what truly motivates you because it stirs you emotionally and is strongly connected to your sense of happiness.  If the list of deeper wants you came up with do not stir you emotionally, then you did not dig deep enough.  Keep going.

You want to get to this ‘core desire’ because it gives you something to focus on that has much greater power and significance that simply focusing on a number.

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