joshuawayne.com

A very common question I get asked by people looking to lose weight is:

“How can I stop my self-sabotage?”

They typically have a lot of frustration with themselves for not following through with their weight loss plan and they often feel hopeless that their situation will never change.

So if you feel like you keep sabotaging yourself for one reason or another, then what can you do to get un-stuck and on track? The first thing you want to do is identify why you keep doing this.

If you don’t have a clear idea, then it’s hard to come up with the right solution.

In order to understand your self-sabotage pattern, I’m going to ask you what might seem like a strange question (if you ask the people I hang out with, they’d tell you that I have a tendency to do this- but bear with me, please, because there’s a method to my madness). If you take a few moments to sit with this and really understand the question, you will find that it’s very powerful and it can actually help you in many areas of your life .

What has to be true in your life in order for you to sabotage your weight loss efforts?

Read that a second time if you have to. It’s actually a basic logic equation.

In order for a behavior like self-sabotage to be true in your life (and if you’ve read this far, then I’m assuming it is), then what belief MUST you be carrying that allows that self-sabotaging behavior to exist?

If you sabotage yourself, then something else MUST be true in your life that allows that to happen.

I assure you this is not as complex as it sounds, and I really encourage you to take a moment to digest it. If you understand what that thing is, you will understand your self-sabotage, and you can then start taking the steps to reverse it.

Now let’s take it further. Below are the 4 most common patterns I have observed (the things that MUST be true in people’s lives) that allow the self-sabotage to exist.  Please read through them and see what most resonates.  If you come up with something I didn’t quite address, please reach out to me and let me know: joshua@joshuawayne.com.

(more…)

In Part 1 of this series, I talked about the weight loss mindset necessary if you have a lot of weight to lose- say 50 or more pounds.  In this second part, I will begin breaking down a 6 step process for losing the weight and creating the health and happiness you desire.  But before I get started, a necessary quick disclaimer before reading this article:

I am not seeking to diagnose or treat any physiological or mental disorder that would require the services of a trained and licensed physician, psychiatrist or mental health counselor.  The information I am sharing is intended to be strictly educational in nature.  If you think you may have either a physiological or mental disorder that requires the treatment and/or supervision of a licensed physician, psychiatrist or mental health counselor, I highly encourage you to seek out that consultation.

1.    Create a picture of the person you want to become.

This may sound like a simplistic step, but it’s actually very important- and it’s important to begin here.  Always start your self-inquiry on a positive note.  Do this by envisioning the person you want to become.  Write it down or create a ‘vision board’ with some images that represent the life you want to be living.  This is important because it’s easy to get bogged down in your problems and the things that aren’t working well in your life.  Having this picture gives you a positive, forward-looking image to inspire you, and also gives you something positive to return to again and again when the going gets tough.

2.    Determine what you need to let go of and what you need to address

As you travel along the journey of becoming the person you want to be- as outlined above- your issues are of course going to come up.  Consider that you need to do one of two things with them: 1) let them go, or 2) address them head on.

First, very often we continue to carry old, false beliefs that hold us back from the happiness and success we desire.  Often these false beliefs are about our degree of worthiness or desirability to others.  More often than not we adopted them when we were young- either because unconscious people around us put them in our heads or we invented them ourselves because we were stressed and scared and didn’t know any better.

Little by little we need to let these false beliefs go because they do nothing but limit our potential for happiness.  It’s like somebody put rocks in our backpack and we’re just carrying this dead weight around unnecessarily.  We need to let it go and step into the life we want to be living.

Other times there is just no alternative but to address our issues directly.  Maybe we have challenges in our relationships that need to be confronted directly; maybe our self-esteem is very low and we need the help and support of a therapist to help us work through it; maybe we are in unhappy in our career or job and need to get disciplined about making some changes.

How do you know the difference between what you need to let go of and what you need to address?  Simply put: if you can’t just let go of it, you need to address it.

3.    Don’t be shy about working with a therapist or coach

It’s interesting that in a society where having a therapist or coach has become quite commonplace, many people are still hesitant about seeking this kind of help.  They may foolishly think it’s a sign of weakness, or they may be mortified by what their friends would think.

Nobody needs to know you’re working with a professional to sort through your issues.  It’s strictly between you and that professional. If you feel you could benefit from the outside input and support but you’re holding back for one of the reasons I just mentioned, then with full care and compassion I offer this: get over it.

It doesn’t have to feel comfortable to make the appointment or walk in the door and share what’s really going on in your life.  In fact, if it doesn’t it may be a sign that you’re on the right track.  Regardless, if you need the support, get over whatever limiting beliefs you have that prevent you from taking action.

4.    If you do work with a therapist, make sure you find one that wants to get you out of therapy

(more…)

{Disclaimer before reading this article:  I am not seeking to diagnose or treat any physiological or mental disorder that would require the services of a trained and licensed physician, psychiatrist or mental health counselor.  The information I am sharing is intended to be strictly educational in nature.  If you think you may have either a physiological or mental disorder that requires the treatment and/or supervision of a licensed physician, psychiatrist or mental health counselor, I highly encourage you to seek out that consultation.}

Do you have a lot of weight to lose- meaning more than 50 pounds? Or perhaps even 100 or more pounds to lose?  Have you tried to lose that weight many times before- and perhaps successfully lost some of it- only to find yourself losing focus and gaining it all back again?

If this sounds like you, then in order to have the lasting success you desire, you may need to look at what is emotionally “below the surface” of the extra body weight you are accustomed to carrying.

Very often- not always, of course, but often- people who are carrying significant extra weight (50 pounds or more) have a deeper psychological issue (sometimes it may be more than one issue, but for grammatical simplicities sake, for the duration of this article I will just refer to it as an ‘issue’) that the extra weight is a symptom of.  In order to experience sustained, successful weight loss, very often they must unearth and address that deeper psychological issue at the same time.  They must deal with what’s beneath the weight.

If you fit the profile I describe above, then it’s possible that you already know what that deeper psychological issue is.  Perhaps you have even been working on it for some time- by yourself, in a support group of some sort, with a trust friend or with professional support.

If so, then good for you!  Being willing to look at your personal issues is an important and crucial early step to resolve or let go of what stands in the way of having the health and happiness you desire.

If you don’t know what that issue may be, then it’s an important thing to consider as you move forward on your trajectory to lose weight.

Here is the first crucial question to ask yourself:

What do I get to avoid in my life by carrying this extra weight?

If you are carrying significant extra weight on your body, there is something you ‘get’ out of it.  We could say that the extra weight has a ‘positive purpose’ in your life.  That may sound strange because it costs you so much in terms of your health and happiness, but nevertheless it is most likely true.  The ‘positive purpose’ is what it allows you to avoid dealing with.  So ask yourself, “What does this extra weight enable me to avoid?”

• (more…)