joshuawayne.com

“We suffer pain because we organize our life around the concept of an enduring self in a solid world, even though all of it is simply ideas and forms coming in and out of existence… The quietness of meditation offers an opportunity to witness how the entity of ‘me’ comes into being.”

- Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche

Just came across this late at night shortly before bed, and thought it was worth sharing.  Sakyong Mipham is the son of Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche, one of the first high Tibetan lamas to teach in the United States in the late 60’s.  He passed away in 1987.  I have been reading “The Essential Chogyam Trungpa” on and off for a couple years- it’s great, though I think a basic understanding of some Buddhist fundamentals make it much more accessible.

I’ve had the very good fortune of recently coming into contact with the most coherent and succinct description of Buddhist fundamentals I’ve ever seen in the 20 years of paying attention to it.

I plan on doing some posts in the not so distant future about the basics of Buddhism- particularly from the Nyingma tradition of Tibetan Buddhism as I have been learning it from my dear friend and Buddhist monk Erik Jung and his teacher who I’ve met on just one occasion His Eminence Dzogchen Khenpo Chogya Rinpoche.

This explanation of positive and negative thinking, how it works, and how it creates the moment to moment sense of happiness or unhappiness that we experience is both profound and entirely practical.

More coming on this soon.

This is part 2 in my series on self-sabotage in the weight loss process.  You can find part one HERE.  Part 2 picks up with the 3rd most common reason I see people sabotaging their weight loss effort.  Enjoy.

3.    You Don’t Believe You Deserve It

It’s also possible that you continue to sabotage your own success, because at some deeper level you still don’t believe that you really deserve the body and happiness you desire.  In a strange way, carrying the extra weight may be much more inside your comfort zone than being thin. As unhappy as you may be, you already know what to expect in life- things are familiar and predictable.

If this sounds familiar, then what I want you to understand first and foremost is that these are beliefs you either learned from others or created for yourself- nothing more.

You don’t have to carry them any further with you ‘in your suitcase’ than you already have.  Sure, changing these beliefs requires some deep reflection and earnest effort, but any negative belief you may have about yourself, your body or your worthiness as a person can be changed.

The solution?  As you bump into these old beliefs start reflecting on where they came from.  Who encouraged you to think and feel this way about yourself?

• Your family?
• Friends?
• An old boyfriend?
• Or maybe you just created it all by yourself.

Regardless, the first step is recognizing these old limiting beliefs and being willing to ‘exchange them’ for new beliefs that help you get where you want to be rather than blocking the way.

The truth is this:

You deserve all the health, happiness, positive relationships and fit, sexy body you desire.  You need to own that truth.  You need to fully believe this yourself and get out of your own way.

(more…)

A very common question I get asked by people looking to lose weight is:

“How can I stop my self-sabotage?”

They typically have a lot of frustration with themselves for not following through with their weight loss plan and they often feel hopeless that their situation will never change.

So if you feel like you keep sabotaging yourself for one reason or another, then what can you do to get un-stuck and on track? The first thing you want to do is identify why you keep doing this.

If you don’t have a clear idea, then it’s hard to come up with the right solution.

In order to understand your self-sabotage pattern, I’m going to ask you what might seem like a strange question (if you ask the people I hang out with, they’d tell you that I have a tendency to do this- but bear with me, please, because there’s a method to my madness). If you take a few moments to sit with this and really understand the question, you will find that it’s very powerful and it can actually help you in many areas of your life .

What has to be true in your life in order for you to sabotage your weight loss efforts?

Read that a second time if you have to. It’s actually a basic logic equation.

In order for a behavior like self-sabotage to be true in your life (and if you’ve read this far, then I’m assuming it is), then what belief MUST you be carrying that allows that self-sabotaging behavior to exist?

If you sabotage yourself, then something else MUST be true in your life that allows that to happen.

I assure you this is not as complex as it sounds, and I really encourage you to take a moment to digest it. If you understand what that thing is, you will understand your self-sabotage, and you can then start taking the steps to reverse it.

Now let’s take it further. Below are the 4 most common patterns I have observed (the things that MUST be true in people’s lives) that allow the self-sabotage to exist.  Please read through them and see what most resonates.  If you come up with something I didn’t quite address, please reach out to me and let me know: joshua@joshuawayne.com.

(more…)

There is a Native American story of a wise elder who is in charge of teaching the younger members of the tribe.  One day he is giving a lesson and says, “There are two dogs in my head.  One is very good; he is positive, optimistic and kind.  The other one is very bad; he is negative, angry and judgmental.  These two dogs are always fighting.”

One of his young students asks him, “So which one wins?”

The elder replies, “Whichever one I feed the most.”

Like the wise old man of this story, many people experience a similar inner conflict with their weight loss.  It is like there are two conflicting voices inside their heads.

One voice is frustrated and is on the verge of begin depressed and giving up hope.  It says things like:

• “Will I ever find something that works?”
• “Will I ever eating to deal with my stress?”
• “I can’t imagine how to live without my Oreos!”
• “Will I ever be thin?
• “Will I ever be ‘normal’?”
• “Will anybody ever want me?”
• “Nothing has worked up until now, so what’s the point of still trying?”

The other voice, in spite of the frustration and lack of results, refuses to give up hope.  It says things like:

• “There must be something out there that will work for me.”
• “It has to be possible.”
• “I’m not willing to give up.”
• “I want to get there.  I will do whatever it takes.”

The challenge is, which voice will you listen to? Will you give in to the whispers inside that say what’s the point, what’s the use?

Or will you stay focused, optimistic and keep going until you find the right solution or support?

Deciding which voice to listen to is the crucial first step, but there is a second step that is equally important.  The second step is having the right information that will help you get where you want to be.

Consider this: what you have done up until this point has gotten you to exactly where you are right now. If you’re feeling stuck and the number on the scale isn’t moving, then you need new information to shake things up.  New insights and ideas come from new information.

Whatever path you choose to follow to get where you want to be, remember the choice between hope and despair is always up to you. It’s a choice you make every minute of every day.  You make it by deciding which voice to listen to.  You make it by deciding which dog to feed.