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I’m just throwing this idea out there.  It’s part of a longer post I’m working on that will be coming soon.

Consider this: the real reason you’re not losing weight is because it isn’t your priority yet.  You can think about it all you want.  You want read all the books you want, join all the online forums you want, but at the end of the day, the only reason you aren’t living comfortably and happily at your ideal weight is because it is not your priority.

You don’t lose weight because the chocolate mousse that was served at your sister’s dinner party over the weekend was more important to you than losing weight.

Eating the great pizza, chips, dips and Margaritas your neighbors served while you were watching the World Series together was more important than to you than losing weight.

You don’t lose the weight because nibbling on all the cookies and candy in the office kitchen is more important to you than losing the weight.

This is a matter of priorities.  It’s about DECIDING that to carry this extra weight is no longer an option in your life.  (The suffix of the word decide – CIDE – means to kill off.  Think suicide, homicide, etc.)  When you truly decide, you are deciding that carrying the extra weight is no longer tolerable.  It’s no longer an option.  That’s when your priorities shift.

But until that happens, be very honest with yourself about where your priorities lie.  Our actions always have more meaning that our thoughts, words and intentions.  It’s important to be grounded in the reality of our choices.  That may not always be pleasant, but until we really fess up to our priorities, there is little we can do to change them.

Like I said, this is part of a longer article I’m working on, just not there with it yet.  I’d like to be posting here more, but unfortunately, as much as I would like this to be one of my priorities, clearly it isn’t.  My actions always speak louder than my words or intentions.

Who are You Becoming?

Think about this question for a second.  It’s possibly one of the most powerful questions you’ll even consider- and as you’ll see in part 2 of the post tomorrow, it has a lot to do with your success in losing the weight you want- and keeping it off.

Really asking this question deeply, and reflecting on it causes you to consider what you really want in life because here is a fact:

You are becoming something.  You can’t help this.  It’s a fact.

The past is gone…and all we have is the unfolding of present moments.  So this is a very good place to put your attention.

The decisions you make right now directly shape:

• How you think…
• What habits you oblige…
• What food choices you make…
• How you relate to yourself, your body and others…
• How you handle stress…
• How you react to and talk to your children…

All these decisions shape who you are becoming.  These choices create the causes and conditions for what happens next.

So the question becomes:

Since you’re becoming something (the energy and thinking and behavior that is you is unfolding into something), will you become that thing by design or by default?

I know that comes off pretty wordy, but I recommend you read it again so it sinks in.

Put another way, will you become that thing by habit or by choice?

You have a choice right now, on a moment-to-moment basis about what the quality of your life is going to be.

So you want to be asking yourself: “How well am I making that choice?”

Because the quality of that choice defines who you are becoming.

In part 2 of this post, I’m going to unpack this by going into some specific examples of how this fits into our lives, and how it also affects our waistline.

Early this year, Jackie Wicks (the co-founder of PEERtrainer.com) and I created a 12 week coaching program called “The Point of No Return”. We did it live with an initial group, and recorded everything so we could share it with others.  We shared some really innovative ideas about losing weight (and ending emotional eating).  The results were excellent.

The title came from an observation we had of people who really get over the hump in their effort to lose weight.  Obviously it often takes some time to get there, but we see people finally get to a place where the struggle with food- and as a result, of course, their weight- is not so constant and not so diffcult.

We call it “The Point of No Return” because once you get there, there’s really no going back.  This is a crucial part of the concept.  You fundamentally change your relationship to food and yourself, and you don’t go back to old habits.  You may slip up here and there, but you get yourself back on track much sooner than later.

It’s actually a place that anybody can get to, and we built our 12 week program as a “roadmap” if you will to get there.  When you get to “The Point Of No Return”:

• You know exactly what to do to lose weight, and there is no struggle anymore to do it.
• You can comfortably live at your ideal weight without the constant anxiety of falling off track and starting over again at square one.
• You can gain a bit of weight because of the holidays or a vacation, but know you can get back to your ideal weight without any sense of helplessness or fear.
• Your relationship to food and exercise is relaxed and comfortable rather than an ongoing struggle or chore.
• You enjoy food, but don’t obsess about it.
• You enjoy a happy, balanced life where you’re in control of your emotions and food choices rather than them being in control of you.

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Warning: I’m going to begin this post by being presumptuous and saying that above all else:

We all want happiness in life.

It really doesn’t matter where you come from…

It really doesn’t matter  how much money you have…

It really doesn’t matter what neighborhood you live in…

What you ultimately want in life is happiness.

You want to feel good about yourself, the people around you and you want to feel positive and optimistic about what life has to offer.

If you’re reading this, then it’s also likely that at some level you believe that losing weight will help you get closer to your happiness.

Happiness can be a bit of a tricky topic, though, for 2 reasons:

1.  It’s such an individual thing, and means something different to everybody.

2. Because very often the things that we think will bring up happiness in reality will not.  They might even bring us greater frustration and unhappiness.

When it comes to understanding and mastering the connection between weight loss and happiness, I have found that there are three different things you need to look at that can really make the difference.

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What Do You Want?

A client, “Marcy”, came to see me yesterday and said, “I’m always on a diet!  I lose 10 pounds and gain back 5…then next time I lose 5 and gain back 10.  It goes on and on like this; I just can’t maintain my focus on losing weight.  What do I do?”

“Well”, I told her, “the first thing you have to figure out is what you really want.”

“I already know what I want”, she said, “I want to lose 25 pounds and go down four dress sizes!”  That is what she said, but the look on her face was impatient and had “Duhhh!” written all over it.

“Look”, I said, “on the surface I understand that this is what you want.  But you have to go deeper and figure out ‘the want behind the want’.  That is what will keep your focus on losing weight.”

“Huh?”, she now said.  She had moved from “Duhhh!” to “Huh?”, so I knew we were making progress.

“There is a reason you want to lose 25 pounds,” I said.  “You believe that if you did, your life would be dramatically better in some specific ways.  You need to get in touch with exactly how it would be better.  That is the ‘want behind the want’.”

You see, a key aspect to lasting weight loss success is knowing why you want to lose weight at the deepest level, what I call “the want behind the want”.

So what is the want behind your want- that deeper value that losing weight will add to your life? Is it:

• To feel more comfortable dating or to feel sexier in the relationship you’re in?
• To be healthy and active with your children?
• Because you’ve been diagnosed with an illness and you want your health back?
• To look better and have more self-confidence when you interview for a job?
• To look better at a high school or family reunion?
• To really love yourself and feel good about your body.

Whatever your deep desire is, I want you to get in touch with it specifically.  Write down all the answers you come up with in as much detail as possible.

“The Want Behind The Want” Is Your True Motivator

When you know ‘the want behind the want’ you understand what truly motivates you because it stirs you emotionally and is strongly connected to your sense of happiness.  If the list of deeper wants you came up with do not stir you emotionally, then you did not dig deep enough.  Keep going.

You want to get to this ‘core desire’ because it gives you something to focus on that has much greater power and significance that simply focusing on a number.

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