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5 Keys to Losing The Last 10 Pounds

So, maybe you’re already doing well with your weight loss or your weight management.  Sure, you know you could lose those last 10 pounds to get to your pre-child or college years weight, but you keep asking yourself, is it really worth the trouble?  I mean, your husband isn’t complaining.  He thinks you look great.  And most of your friends would probably give their left arm or leg to have your figure.

But then it happens.  Out of nowhere, a girlfriend from your single days ‘tags’ you in a picture on Facebook- and there it is.  That picture of you on the beach in a bikini when you were 20 (we’ll ignore those crazy bangs you were sportin’ and the drink you’re holding with the little umbrella in it- for now).  You know the picture I’m talking about it.  It’s the one that shows you at EXACTLY your ideal weight.  Now it’s imprinted on your brain and you can’t quite let go of it.  You really want to get back there, but you also know it means losing those same 10 pounds you’ve been mulling over for a couple years now.

Okay, you finally decide after thinking about it non-stop for 3 days, I’m gonna do it! I’m going after those last 10 pounds…once and for all…this is the time!

If this sounds like you, then good for you.  Before you get your game plan together, though, here are 5 important things you should think about first.

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The Basics About Weight Loss Motivation

I get emails from people everyday sharing their frustrations and challenges with weight loss.  About 60% of them say they lack the motivation to stick with their weight loss program.  They report that they do well for awhile and lose some weight, but inevitably fall off track- whether due to a loss of focus or some other kind of self-sabotage.

As a Personal Development Coach specializing in weight loss, and who was originally trained as a psychotherapist, it’s very easy for me to give them advice, but as I sat down to write this article, I thought it might be nice to really start at the most basic, fundamental level of understanding motivation, and to then work up from there.
So armed with my trusty Mozilla Firefox I did a quick Google search for a basic definition of the word.  Here is the first thing that Google gave me to consider (it came from an online dictionary associated with Princeton University):

“the psychological feature that arouses an organism to action toward a desired goal; the reason for the action; that which gives purpose and the condition of being motivated.”

So let’s pull some key words from that definition and see if we can come up with a useful way to apply the concept to weight loss.

Action Toward a Desired Goal- Taking action here implies that there is a desired goal in place, so the first thing that you must be absolutely clear on is ‘what is your goal?’

The challenge here is that it’s usually not sufficient to just come up with a number.  20 pounds or 30 pounds isn’t going to cut it.  You’ve known that for perhaps years, and telling yourself “I need to lose 20 pounds” over and over again hasn’t gotten the job done.  Just having a number in mind is not provocative enough of a goal.

So consider: the better question to ask is, “Why do you really want to lose weight”?  At first glance, this may sound like an obvious question, but if you’re struggling with your weight, you need to ask yourself this question again and again until you have a very clear answer.

So, why are you looking to lose weight?

• To feel more confident to start dating again?
• To get into your favorite pair of jeans?
• To feel sexy for your husband or wife?
• To look good at your upcoming high school reunion?
• Because the doctor told you you’re pre-diabetic but that there is still a chance to turn it around?
• Because you’re sick and tired of feeling sick and tired?

You have to become crystal clear on your “Why”.  This is the first step in establishing a goal.
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How To Increase Your Positive Thinking

In Part 1 of this post, I identified that the choices you’re making on an ongoing basis are either moving you in a positive or a negative direction.  Now what do we do with that?  Where do we go from here?

This is a very important part of the equation, so please really take this to heart.  This is where the potential lies to move from just making weight loss “simple” to actually making it “easy” over time.

A close friend was recently visiting me who is getting his PhD in Philosophy.  He was telling me about a course he recently took in practical approaches to Eastern Philosophy, and he said that the whole thing could be summed up in roughly 2 sentences:

If it’s good and it’s working, follow it.
If it’s not good and it’s not working, let it go.

The point is this: you have to keep moving forward staying focused on the positives.  If it’s good and it’s working, then keep moving in that positive direction- follow it.

If you make a bad food choice that brings you down in any way, then acknowledge it and then let it go. When you let go of a bad choice, you are by definition already moving forward in a positive direction.  Ask yourself, “What is the next thing to do?  How do I move in a positive direction from here?”

Maybe you drink a couple extra glasses of water to flush your system, maybe you go for a 10-minute walk, maybe you call a friend or write in your journal.  It doesn’t matter so much what you do; what matters is that you make the choice to quickly regroup and move forward in a positive direction. Like  I’ve been saying: simple, huh?

So, the “art” here is actually two fold:

1. Getting really good at making positive decisions in the first place. Mostly this involves being mindful and aware of what you’re doing.  Are you being conscious when you make a food choice?  Are you using the tools and resources at your disposal to help you make good choices (calling a friend if you’re in a bad spot or committing to logging your food)?  The more mindful, present and aware you are in each moment, the better your choices will be- guaranteed.
2. Getting really good at getting back on a positive track if you fell off. This is actually a huge skill and cannot be overlooked.  We all make mistakes.  Don’t demand perfection from yourself, but do hold yourself accountable to keep putting yourself back on a positive track.  Like I said before, if you make a mistake, acknowledge it and use it as an opportunity to be more conscious of your choices and to get right back on track.

There’s one final little piece I want to add that I think is really helpful (and by the way, in case you haven’t figured this out by now, these ideas can help you in many ways in your life beyond just weight loss).

When you make a choice in a positive direction, really celebrate it. It know it sounds a little cheesy, but it’s important.  When you do well, you need to get psyched about it.  It reinforces your positive thinking in a powerful way.

Remember, you’re building habits here.  The more you feel good and proud of yourself for positive choices, the stronger you build the habit in that direction.  Positive thinking leads to positive habits. It’s just the way things work. If you doubt it at all, that’s fine.  But I ask that you earnestly practice what I’m talking about here for one week.  Really apply these principles into your life and see how they affect you.

In fact, regardless of how much you “buy-in” to what I’m talking about, I’d love to hear your thoughts.  If you’re doubting what I’m saying here, that’s actually great!  I invite you to go test out these ideas for the next 7 days and get back to me with your results.

What Do You Want?

A client, “Marcy”, came to see me yesterday and said, “I’m always on a diet!  I lose 10 pounds and gain back 5…then next time I lose 5 and gain back 10.  It goes on and on like this; I just can’t maintain my focus on losing weight.  What do I do?”

“Well”, I told her, “the first thing you have to figure out is what you really want.”

“I already know what I want”, she said, “I want to lose 25 pounds and go down four dress sizes!”  That is what she said, but the look on her face was impatient and had “Duhhh!” written all over it.

“Look”, I said, “on the surface I understand that this is what you want.  But you have to go deeper and figure out ‘the want behind the want’.  That is what will keep your focus on losing weight.”

“Huh?”, she now said.  She had moved from “Duhhh!” to “Huh?”, so I knew we were making progress.

“There is a reason you want to lose 25 pounds,” I said.  “You believe that if you did, your life would be dramatically better in some specific ways.  You need to get in touch with exactly how it would be better.  That is the ‘want behind the want’.”

You see, a key aspect to lasting weight loss success is knowing why you want to lose weight at the deepest level, what I call “the want behind the want”.

So what is the want behind your want- that deeper value that losing weight will add to your life? Is it:

• To feel more comfortable dating or to feel sexier in the relationship you’re in?
• To be healthy and active with your children?
• Because you’ve been diagnosed with an illness and you want your health back?
• To look better and have more self-confidence when you interview for a job?
• To look better at a high school or family reunion?
• To really love yourself and feel good about your body.

Whatever your deep desire is, I want you to get in touch with it specifically.  Write down all the answers you come up with in as much detail as possible.

“The Want Behind The Want” Is Your True Motivator

When you know ‘the want behind the want’ you understand what truly motivates you because it stirs you emotionally and is strongly connected to your sense of happiness.  If the list of deeper wants you came up with do not stir you emotionally, then you did not dig deep enough.  Keep going.

You want to get to this ‘core desire’ because it gives you something to focus on that has much greater power and significance that simply focusing on a number.

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So I was traveling recently and had a couple hour layover in the Charlotte, NC airport.  Usually I do two things when I’m in an airport with time to spend waiting for a plane: eat some kind of Mexican food (it’s the usually the most reliably healthy option- you can’t go too wrong with black beans, salsa and fresh guacamole) and thumb through a bunch of magazines.

Sure, I’d like to say I’m the kind of a person who only reads magazines of taste and substance- but you wouldn’t likely completely buy that now, would you?  For good reason- it wouldn’t be exactly true.  Before I get around to the likes of “Harpers” and “The Economist”, I’ve first gotten my fill of Sports Illustrated, Maxim and Rolling Stone.

Well, I must have gotten caught up on A-Rod’s latest blood test results, the 8 must-do exercises for rock hard abs, and a review of Bob Dylan’s new album, because I found myself reading an interesting article in “Newsweek” (or was it “The Atlantic Monthly”- don’t remember) about the “glass ceiling” in American corporations.  It was talking about how in spite of Barack Obama’s election to office, many minorities and women still perceive that there is a visceral glass ceiling in their companies that typically doesn’t allow them to rise above middle management positions.

It really got me thinking about the weight loss struggle that so many of us go through, and how in many ways we bump into a “glass ceiling” as well- only this one is entirely of our own creation.  We usually know it too, but we still can’t figure out how to break through it.  We keep bumping our heads on this imaginary ceiling.

It’s like we keep getting snagged- like when you’re walking through a doorway and your shirt or jacket pocket gets snagged on the door handle (don’t you hate that?) and you get unpleasantly jerked back.  Only when it comes to weight loss, we get jerked back to the place where we began- and it leaves us feeling very frustrated and stuck.

So how can we break through that glass ceiling once and for all?  How can we shatter it to tiny, miniscule, meaningless pieces- and even get to the point where we realize it was in our minds the whole time? In other words, how can we break through out own barriers to finally have the results and happiness we desire?

What I’d like you to contemplate for a moment is that the way you’re going to break through this glass ceiling is by finding the “Hero Within”. Not exactly the answer you were expecting?  Let me explain.

There was a great mythologist named Joseph Campbell who studied literally thousands and thousands of myths and great stories from all over the world.  Campbell said that all of these stories were always about a heroic character who was fighting for truth or justice, or to find her passion and true purpose in life.

Campbell’s greatest contribution, though, was the realization that the tales of all of these great hero’s were ultimately just metaphors- metaphors for your life and mine.  He said that each of us is the hero on our own journey- a journey (and often a struggle) each of us is on to find our truth, our passion and to create what we really, really want in life.

Here’s always the catch though: in order for the hero- meaning you or I- to have the life we deeply desire, we inevitably come upon a threshold- a “glass ceiling” if you will.  Campbell calls this “The Threshold of Adventure” and in order to really claim the life we want, we have to get across it.

This can be tricky, though, because in order to get across it we have to change.  To at least some extent, we have to leave behind what is comfortable and familiar.  Think about this a bit.  What is comfortable and familiar is exactly what has gotten us to exactly where we are today.  It’s not what is going to get us the new result we want.

Campbell says that when every hero gets to his or her threshold of adventure it’s always scary, because what lies on the other side is the unknown.    The hero almost always experiences the desire to retreat, quit and seek comfort in what is more comfortable and familiar.

Think about this in terms of your struggle to lose weight and keep it off.  How many times have you tried to make changes, but you keep bumping into that same glass ceiling over and over again? Maybe you do great for 3 or 4 weeks, but then you get stressed at work, lose your focus and go right back to your uncontrollable night snacking.  Maybe you do great for a few months, lose 15 or 20 pounds, but then for some inexplicable reason you just start sabotaging your success and find yourself back at square one.  You hit that darn glass ceiling again!

In many ways, I think of the weight loss struggle as a classic Hero’s Journey scenario (and it’s one of the main ideas that PEERtrainer co-founder Jackie Wicks and I built our 12 week Mind Coaching and Training program around). There is something you deeply, deeply want.  I know this, because you wouldn’t be reading this article if it wasn’t true.  Maybe you want your health back, or a sexy body and to start dating again; maybe you just want to feel ‘normal’ again and not constantly plagued by the fear that you’ll binge and eat all night.  Maybe you want to go home for the holidays and not be anxious about what your parents and sister are thinking.

Whatever it is, you wouldn’t be reading this if there wasn’t some major change you really wanted to make in terms of your body and health.  And yet, you keep bumping into that threshold.

So how does the hero finally get across this threshold?  In a word: Courage. It requires the courage to change.  It requires the courage to fully commit to ourselves and our highest good; to commit to breaking out of this little jail cell we created.  It requires the courage to face our fears, “slay our dragons” and fight for what we want!  Your issues with food are the “battle” you must fight as the hero on your own journey.
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3 Simple Steps to Make Your Weight Loss Affirmations 10 Times More Powerful

Affirmations are a very popular strategy for assisting in weight loss.  However, most people don’t know how to maximize their effectiveness and therefore don’t get the full results they can from this powerful tool.  And yes, affirmations are- if done correctly- a powerful tool and not just new age hocus-pocus as some people believe.
If you don’t know what affirmations are, they are statements you repeat over and over again to train your mind to create a positive outcome. A couple examples relevant to weight loss are:

I am losing weight easily and effortlessly.
I feel healthy and attractive at my ideal body weight.

Here are 3 simple steps to make your weight loss affirmations 10 times more powerful:

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Do you know what you really want? I don’t mean in terms of what car you drive or what kind of home you live in. Sure, homes and cars and toys are a part of life, but they are not what ultimately gives us meaning or happiness. So, when I ask this question, I am not really speaking in material terms at all.

Instead what I mean is do you really know what you want out of life? Do you know who you really want to be in this world?

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Like most of us, I spent last week watching the world tumble into economic turmoil as stock markets worldwide buckled in the wake of enormous bank failures and the US housing market collapse.

The latest reports suggest that retirement accounts of Americans have lost $2 trillion in the past 15 months. In just the past week- the Dow Jones Industrial Average fell more than 18 percent which is the largest drop ever in a week.

Why?

There are many and very complex reasons, but allow me to point out three that are most obvious:

• Wall Street focused on maximizing short-term profits in order to earn record bonuses
• The government, on both sides of the aisle, appears to have been acting out of partisan self-interest rather than looking at was best for America in the long-run
• Many of us on took up loans because we wanted to live in houses and drive cars that were beyond our means, and then housing values fell substantially.

Like most of the world I, too, have a wide range of emotions about this: anxiety about the future and well-being of my family, and anger at the people who got us into this mess.

Yet, as I sit here contemplating all of this, I’m left with one resounding question running through my head:

“Where are the adults?”

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I went for a great run down by the Hudson River yesterday evening.  I met
with a client down at the end of a long pier to have a chat (always
good to get out of the office), and then when we were done, I did a
bunch of calisthenic exercises and then had a great run.

This is around 67th street, down where they
have done a fantastic restoration project.  It’s sort of a prairie
theme, so there are all these tall grasses everywhere, with all sort
of really cool places to sit and watch the river, or joggers and
bikers going by.

There is a great wooden boardwalk running the length
of the area, and some fantastic stone piers stretching a good ways out
over the river.

I happened to be down there around dusk. There was a very light cloud cover, not enough to fully obscure the sun, and so the colors were just dazzling.

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Hey there!  Thanks for visiting…I’ll be going live very shortly.  Very much looking forward to helping motivate you towards your weight loss and fitness goals.  Check back soon!